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‘Twas the Night: A Shapewear Tale*

16 Dec

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by Rachel Rumsey
Cupid Intimates

‘Twas the night of Shapewear, when all through the flat,
No street-wear was stirring, not even a hat.
The purses were flung by the couch without care,
In hopes of fun parties attended with flair.

We were planning an outing by using the atlas,
She in a mini, and I in a strapless,
While visions of parties danced in our heads,
We had settled our brains on wearing some reds.

When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
She sprang from the couch to check on the matter.
Away to the door I flew with a crash,
Flung open the deadbolt and tied on my sash

We looked in the hallways, lobbies, and bays,
With festive lights flickering and stairs in the way.
When what to my wondering eyes filled my stare,
But a pop-up shop filled, with lovely Shapewear.

A fit expert, our eyes, met with applause,
We knew in an instant it must be Ms. Claus.
More rapid than pop corn, the garments they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Shaper!  Now Bra Slip!  Now Corset and Slimmer!
On Briefer! On Cami!  On Smoother and Cincher!
To the best of soirées!  To the Chic and the Fun!
Now dash away! Dash today! Hooray, hooray, run!”

As certain as cashmere on Black Friday flies,
The garments were scooped up and given a try.
Off to the bedroom with shapewear she flew,
I grabbed the next set so I could try too.

With outfits to view in the long looking glass,
I approached it and saw her style, my class.
She put in her earrings and zipped up my dress,
And I took a quick look and straightened my tress.

She was dressed to the 9’s, from her head to her foot,
Her clothes were so sleek, Wow, quite a look!
A bundle of heads had swung towards her back,
She looked like a film star in front of a pack.

Her eyes, how they twinkled! Her outfit, how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her lips like a cherry!
She had what had seemed a bit of belly,
That no longer shook, like a bowlful of jelly.

By the fir tree she saw a suave party guest,
She found herself laughing at his ugly knit vest.
A wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Soon let her know she had nothing to dread.

I spoke not a word, as I straightened her skirt,
We grabbed ourselves drinks, she continued to flirt.
She had chosen her date, while I near the door,
Had started to chat with a girl in velour.

He sprang to her side, and his friend gave a shout,
And away the two swept, like deer they leapt out.
But I heard her whisper, as she danced out of sight,
“Happy Shapewear to all, and to all a good-night!”

*With apologies to Henry Livingston, Jr., Clement C. Moore, and their famous Poem which inspired me!

Do you know why Rudolph isn’t mentioned in this poem’s original version?

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CC Image courtesy Beverly & Pack on flickr CC BY 2.0
CC Image courtesy kthypryn on flickr CC BY 2.0

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