The Secret to a Successful Black Friday: The Right Panties

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23 Nov

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By Adam Welsch
Naomi & Nicole®

 If you’re revving up for a Thanksgiving Weekend full of power shopping, you probably have a game plan already in place.  You’ve researched the best sales, created an itinerary, and selected your shopping mate.  You know which pair of comfy shoes you’ll be wearing and what kinds of snacks you’ll be stocking in your purse.  If you’re one of those diehards who’ll be camping out in line, outside of a store, on Thanksgiving evening or during the wee hours of Friday morning, you no doubt are preparing to bring cold-weather gear, a chair, and a thermos of your favorite hot beverage.  You’re ready to go … or are you?  Have you given any thought to the panties you’ll be wearing for shopping’s version of the Olympic decathlon?  No?  Then you might want to spend a few minutes reading what follows.  Why?  Wedgies, VPLs, and Black Friday simply don’t mix.

Shopping on Black Friday can be very physically demanding.  Before you even arrive at your parking space, traffic jams and busy lots can force you to sit in your car a lot longer than you usually do during typical shopping excursions.  That can get uncomfortable.  And chances are, when you do find a parking spot, it’ll be a long way from the mall or store’s entrance.  Your day’s marathon of walking will begin in the parking lot and, of course, carry through to all of the stores you hit.  If you’re like most shoppers on Black Friday, you’ll be buying lots of items, so you’ll be doing a lot of product lifting, cart pushing, and package carrying from aisle to aisle and store to car.  And since the lines will be long at the cash register and gift-wrapping stations, you’ll do a great deal of standing still, in addition to all of that walking, lifting, pushing, and carrying.  Black Friday leaves even the hardiest of shopaholics physically exhausted.

Now, think about how those physical challenges you’ll encounter can be exacerbated by panty wedgies.  Have you ever tried to resolve a wedgie while driving?  It’s not an easy task, especially when wearing a seat belt.  And you know how uncomfortable wedgies become when you’re walking.  Of course, on Black Friday, when you’re surrounded by throngs of fellow shoppers in busy parking lots, crowded mall common areas, and congested store aisles, finding the opportunity to discretely dislodge them can be next to impossible.  Even those rare chances can become compromised when your hands are full of Black Friday booty.  And forget about wedgie resolution while standing in a cashwrap line.  Your only option at that point is to sacrifice your precious spot and duck into the nearest restroom for a little privacy.

But wedgies are only half of the total panty problem.  Visible panty lines (VPLs) represent the other half.  Normally, these may not be a big concern when you’re out and about for an afternoon of shopping.  But Black Friday is no ordinary day of shopping.  Its peculiarities can create two forums in which the spotlight may become focused on a problem that would otherwise remain hidden.  The long cashwrap line is one such forum.  When folks are standing around, with nothing else to do, eyes tend to wander.  When this happens, no one wants her backside’s bulges to compete for attention with information about retailers’ loyalty programs or the latest tabloid headlines.  The escalator is the second such forum.  Think, for a moment, about how crowded one can become on Black Friday.  Every step may be occupied.  When that happens, and passengers are forced to stand virtually “cheek to cheek,” VPLs can rise to prominence by rising to eye level.

So what’s a Black Friday power shopper supposed to do?  Make sure that your day’s wardrobe features panties that really do prevent wedgies and eliminate VPLs – those made with a breathable, silicone edge at their leg openings.  This type of edge comfortably grips the skin and stays put through all manner of sitting, walking, bending, lifting, and other shopping calisthenics.  And because the silicone is applied directly to the panty material, rather than sewn on like conventional elastic bands, seams aren’t created and VPLs aren’t born.  Make sure to look for styles in which the silicone edge actually consists of several bands of silicone separated by spaces.  This design allows the entire edge to breathe since the natural stretching of the base material enables air to pass through the spaces between the bands.  And the really good news is that these revolutionary panties are made in microfiber, lace, and cotton styles that feature all of your favorite silhouettes: bikinis, hipsters, hi-cuts, boy shorts, and briefs.

So make sure the right panties are part of your Black Friday shopping ensemble.  But what should you do if you don’t already own a pair of these wedgie-proof, VPL-erasing gems?  That’s easy.  Simply make the intimate apparel department of your favorite store your first stop Friday morning.  Buy a pair, duck into the nearest dressing room, and make the quick switch.  You’ll be amazed how much more stamina you’ll have the rest of the day when you’re not bothered by, or thinking about, your undies.

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CC Image courtesy midwestnerd on flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/20553990@N06/ / CC BY 2.0

CC Image courtesy lululemon athletica on flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/lululemonathletica/ / CC BY 2.0

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